And Now a Word From Our Sponsors

HAPPY FRIDAY!

We did it people, we made it, there’s another light at the end of another tunnel.

I was going to share a write up from one of my larger projects which you might actually enjoy but decided screw it.. I’ll stick to this week’s theme. Stream of consciousness BS that according to my analytics is tanking any interest that once existed.

I had some weird dreams last night that I would like to tell you about. I’m pretty sure all of my dreams are weird but I don’t remember them as often as I used to so there’s less to share. Before we get to my dreams I want to share a word from my newest sponsor.

Dyson!!

Many of you know of my strong Affinity for the most likely Australian company. I’ve always been fascinated by them (not enough to look up and confirm their Australianity) and one day fate put a genuine Dyson vacuum in my hands. I was driving down my old street minding my own damn business when something large and yellow in the road caught my eye. You guessed it. A Dyson model #150BS273XT5011G yellow vacuum with cyclone technology. My lucky stars it must have fallen out of the back of a van… MINE. I stopped and threw that thing in my trunk and it’s been with me ever since. It has its quirks but the trained master can leave a carpet glistening with this thing, it’s all about technique and perseverance. A survey of 2 wives and 2 husbands regarding this exact model of vacuum reveals an overwhelmingly (50%) positive review of the Dyson’s engineering prowess. I call that a win.

Anyway the origin story is important so you understand my love for the company that now fictitiously sponsors red shed. 

They recently sent me their newest product. The Dyson Shitairfier. I don’t understand why they created it but it’s not my place to question a wizard. This magical device takes otherwise pure clean air from your home, injects your choice of detritus, and returns the air to your home. It does this using patented air blade technology, super sonic plutonium motors, and good old fashioned dried dog turds. 

I have to say it works, and it works well. I am no longer nose blind to my house, I can really smell the shit. I eagerly await the arrival of their other detritus packs (D-PAKS) and will be happy to share with the world my favorite scents.

For the curious minds here is a diagram of how the device works:

 

On to my dreams. So I had 3 dreams last.. wait.. you don’t want to hear about my dreams do you? I’m not going to ruin a perfectly good almost humorous post by telling you about how my brother got a flesh eating beetle infestation, or how the boss, the boy, and I ended up in the slums, or how I got fired this morning. No I’ll leave it be. 

End Transmission

-jed

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